How to Stay in Ongoing Eating Disorder Recovery: 3 Self Compassion Tips
What’s the secret to sustained, ongoing recovery from an eating disorder?
Self-compassion.
Hi I’m Lauren Larkin, a Licensed Therapist and private practice owner in NYC and a person who has recovered from an eating disorder. Having experience both as a client and a therapist, I know that there is no “secret” or “quick fix” to any mental health issue…
So when I say self-compassion is the secret, that truly goes to show how passionate I am about integrating self-compassion practices into eating disorder recovery. I say often in my recovery reminders on Tik Tok and to my individual clients, that recovery is ongoing, and therefore if we struggle with it at times that is okay. What is most important is that we stick with it and be as kind to ourselves as possible throughout the process.
I use my own experience, and my knowledge as a therapist to frame recovery as a nonlinear journey from the get-go with clients. Often eating disorders thrive in “black and white” thinking and extreme, perfectionistic behaviors. So, when we challenge those with a process of recovery that is driven by flexible thinking and self-compassion, we challenge the formula that started the food and body manipulation in the first place.
You can’t treat a disorder that is deeply rooted in inflexible thinking with more black and white rules for recovery. We need space for neutral thinking.
This means shifting your thinking to accept that you cannot fail or succeed at recovery, you instead aim to keep trying every day to make mindset shifts and behavior changes away from the eating disorder and toward a different, happier life.
Progress, not perfection, is the goal. And if that’s the goal then we can be much kinder to ourselves if there are “hiccups” along the way.
After my experience with eating disorder treatment I took all of my mindset reframes, CBT knowledge, and tools in my toolbox and tried to integrate recovery into my life in New York City. But the biggest challenge wasn’t with the food, the replacement thoughts, or the stopping of the behaviors, it was the integration of being kind to myself.
If you’re new to self-compassion practices here are 3 tactics for integrating self compassion into your recovery process (and just your life in general!)
Focus on Curiosity over Criticism
Try to be an objective observer of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors even if they go against your goals for recovery.
Implement Mindfulness
If you are new to practicing mindfulness with your thoughts, feelings and behaviors:
Apps like Headspace & Calm can be a great entry point if you’re new to mindful practices
Kristen Neff (Self Compassion Queen) also did an amazing podcast episode on the 10 Percent Happier Podcast about Self-Compassion if you’d like to start there
Try simply checking in with yourself every morning or every evening by doing a body scan. Ask yourself: Where are you holding tension? What emotions are you feeling in different parts of your body? Then see if you can release a little and send some care to those parts of you
Notice Your Negative Thoughts
Instead of starting a negative thought spiral: “I’m the worst because I did XYZ” “I’m a failure at recovery… I’ll never get out of my eating disorder,” etc… gently let those thoughts go and/or redirect those thoughts toward neutrality, or better yet, thoughts of self-kindness.
Soothe the Protective Parts of You
If you notice there are parts of you that are particularly negative, those are likely your protector parts trying to keep you in your eating disorder as a way to protect you.
Try speaking to yourself like you would speak to a small child or a friend. You can practice this in the mirror, journal it out, send yourself voice notes– whatever works for you!
Practice Gratitude that Focuses on Common Humanity
Universality Breeds More Self-compassion
Common humanity is one of the core tenets of self-compassion because when we focus on collective, universal experiences we tend to be able to access more self-kindness.
Focusing on your suffering as a collective experience that other people have also gone through can be helpful for grounding yourself.
Implement a Gratitude Practice
In my personal gratitude practice, I write down three things I am grateful for every day at the bottom of my planner. These can be small or large things, but if you are looking to cultivate more self-compassion, try focusing your gratitude on the connected moments or shared moments that you are grateful for.
Another practice I recommend is the Reverse To Do List which can help retrain your brain at the end of the day to focus on what went well rather than all of the things that are left on your list of “to dos” which went undone.
Seek Out Supportive, Uplifting Environments & Share Your Experience
Individual Therapy
One of my biggest recommendations for sustained, ongoing recovery is to continue working with an Eating Disorder-Informed Therapist in a longer term capacity. Having accountability and making the time and space to check in with yourself is an ongoing commitment to recovery. Showing up to the appointments, even if you don’t feel like it, can be something to be proud of yourself for and that can foster self-compassion.
Group Therapy/Support Groups
In addition to 1:1 therapy, Group Therapy is extremely helpful for fostering self-compassion with eating disorder recovery because it can minimize shame around the subject toward others and yourself.
If you are able to have compassion for others who are experiencing something you struggle with, you can start to turn some of that outward compassion inward. Some of my favorite moments as a group leader are when I point out when group members challenge one another’s negative self-talk, which they have experienced or shared having similar self-talk before. The common sentiment is: “it’s so much easier when it’s someone else instead of me!”
There are many different types of support groups out there from ongoing group therapy to meal support and there are even free resources available through organizations like ANAD.
Share Your Struggles/Wins with Friends
If you have a support system that you trust and feel safe with, share both your struggles and wins with your friends, family and romantic partners.
Struggles
For your struggles, I always suggest clients think about what they need from their support system and try and articulate that alongside their disclosure. For example: I need to vent, I don’t need you to give me advice or come up with solutions, but I just want to vent about something that I am going through right now– is that okay?”
We can’t always anticipate what support we might need, but when we can identify it and ask for it, we can increase our experiences of being validated by others and boost our feelings of self-worth and compassion.
Wins
No matter what, never stop emphasizing your strength and resiliency in recovery and remember to count your wins! Share the reasons you are proud of yourself in recovery often with your support system, even if it feels weird/unnatural to give yourself a compliment.
I’m Lauren Larkin, Licensed Therapist and Group Practice Owner in NYC. If you’re in New York and interested in therapy, contact us here. I love making people laugh, sharing tips about therapy, and sharing my life as a therapist on TikTok and Instagram (@leltherapy). Don’t hesitate to reach out or follow along!