Talking to a Friend if You Suspect They Have an Eating Disorder
Written by Lauren Larkin, LMHC
Eating disorders can be incredibly isolating, and often those struggling may not realize how severe things have become or may feel too ashamed to ask for help. If you suspect a friend might have an eating disorder, approaching the topic with empathy, sensitivity, and care can make a meaningful difference.
Below are some tips on how to have this difficult but potentially life-changing conversation.
1. Prepare Yourself First
Before you talk with your friend, take some time to understand eating disorders. These conditions—like anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorder—are complex mental health issues, not simply choices about food. Familiarizing yourself with the signs and resources can help you feel more confident and compassionate when you start the conversation.
Learn the signs (changes in weight, eating habits, exercise, mood, or social withdrawal).
Identify resources like the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) helpline or local mental health professionals.
2. Choose the Right Time and Place
Your friend will feel safer and more open if the conversation happens in a private, calm setting. Avoid discussing it in public or in a group. Pick a time when you’re both relaxed and not in a rush.
Example: “Hey, I’ve been worried about you lately. Do you have some time to talk privately?”
3. Lead With Empathy, Not Accusations
Approach them from a place of care, not confrontation. Avoid comments about weight, appearance, or food. Instead, focus on what you’ve noticed about their behavior and how you feel.
For instance, instead of: “You’re not eating enough.”
Try: “I’ve noticed you seem really tired and stressed lately. I’m worried about you.”
Using “I” statements (“I’m worried,” “I’ve noticed,” “I care about you”) reduces defensiveness and keeps the conversation supportive.
4. Listen Without Judgment
Once you’ve expressed your concern, give your friend space to respond. They may feel scared, embarrassed, or angry. Your role isn’t to diagnose or fix them—it’s to listen, validate their feelings, and show you care.
Some supportive phrases:
“Thank you for telling me.”
“That sounds really hard.”
“I’m here for you no matter what.”
Avoid trying to give solutions or lectures. Instead, reassure them that they’re not alone.
5. Encourage Professional Help
While your support matters, eating disorders often require treatment from professionals. Gently encourage them to seek help, but avoid pressuring or threatening. Offer to help them research therapists, accompany them to appointments, or share helpline numbers.
Example: “I care about you, and I really think talking to a doctor or therapist could help. If you want, I can go with you to the first appointment.”
6. Be Patient and Keep Checking In
Recovery is a long process, and your friend may not be ready to open up right away. Respect their boundaries but keep showing up. Small gestures—like checking in via text or inviting them out for something non-food-related—can remind them they’re cared for and not alone.
7. Take Care of Yourself, Too
Supporting someone with an eating disorder can be incredibly difficult. Don’t hesitate to reach out for your own support from a counselor or support group. You’ll be better able to help your friend if you’re also looking after your well-being.
8. Share Helpful Resources
If your friend is open, you can point them toward trusted resources:
National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA): 1-800-931-2237 or nationaleatingdisorders.org
Crisis Text Line: Text “NEDA” to 741741 for 24/7 support
Final Thoughts
Approaching a friend about a possible eating disorder is never easy, but it can be a turning point in their life. By being compassionate, nonjudgmental, and patient, you can help them feel less alone and more hopeful about seeking help. Even if they’re not ready to talk immediately, your concern shows that someone cares—something that can make a huge difference.
In Need of Support?
At LEL Therapy, we are here to support you through it all! Whether you’re navigating an eating disorder, trauma, relationship struggles, anxiety or general mental health concerns, we’re here to support you every step of the way.